more life updates. lots of hobbies. some moderate depression
published on: 2023-01-30
hey. it’s me colorado.
i’m gonna level with y’all, i haven’t been doing too great these past couple of weeks, even though some nice things happened.
remember when i said that i had administrative stuff that was fiddly that i had to deal with? guess what, the paperwork just got fiddlier. and worse, it’s not just for me this time. i don’t want to divulge too much into what’s going on here, but more appointments need to be scheduled and more paperwork needs to get done and very persistent phone calls need to get made on my end. it’s a lot to deal with mentally on top of work and school and taking care of a child. sadly, it got too much for me one night that i decided to drop one of my courses due to the stress. i thought i was gonna get an earful from my loved ones for doing that, but i guess i’ve been so down and out that they understood my decision.
my in-laws finally had enough of my shit. well, not really, but the move happened! the house has been lovingly named “the onion” by my mother-in-law (she has a real knack for cute nicknames) due to the original structure’s many layers. the anxiety really kicked in when we first moved in — we ended up moving in the middle of the week due to some scheduling conflicts, and i though i really wanted to save the move for the weekend, my in-laws assured me that it was ok to move out of their guest room a little bit at a time. my folks came by during a weekend to help me move and put away some more stuff, and it made me realize how much i really missed home. i pretty much bawled my eyes out while they were there, but it was a very good day! i’m still not fully moved in, but i settled into a groove where i unpack and clean a bit while the kid’s asleep.
last weekend mr. weeks hauled my desktop that was sitting in the warehouse into the shed that has been designated as my new workspace/studio. i finally got to christen “the shallot” (again, my mother-in-law’s nickname) today with work (which was uncharacteristically quiet) and a song about how slow the day was going. i ended up not staying the full eight hours working in there because i really needed to pee, and also i wanted to do housework while i was in the middle of my lull. still a cozy spot to work from for max efficiency! while i did an OHC there with my laptop and a minimal setup last week, i hope to finally go back into full compo/full songwriting mode for once this week!
due to all the paperwork i’ve gotta do (and due to where i am mentally) i had to drop out of a project i really wanted to do, pass on a bunch of things i really wanted to do, and turn down what would’ve been a really fun collaboration. i also had to stop bass lessons for about a month. not gonna lie, even though my schedule somewhat managed (with enough time to decompress,) the FOMO is kicking in extra hard right now. i know ThaSauce’s secret album is riiight when my next class picks up, but right now that (and one other thing) is the only thing i’ve got scheduled. i am gonna try and get my paperwork and my slump all sorted out by the end of february. it’s a tall order but i’m manifesting it!