/blog: home is where a song is

i'm moving. what does that mean for my music?

published on: 2022-09-27

after my final this weekend, i begin the arduous task of putting all of my shit in a box and transporting it across state lines to the place i’ll eventually call home. there’s some stuff that needs to get fixed in our new house, so we’re set to stay in the guest bedroom of my in-laws for a couple of months until that’s sorted out.

in between finding new health care providers, weighing day care options, and updating my zip code for nearly every financial thing connected to me, i’ve been fretting the most about something that, objectively is much less important than any of that stuff: where in the hell am i gonna make music while i’m at my in-laws?

it was pretty easy to figure out a setup in my apartment: have a boom arm with my mic attached to my desk, and my guitars mounted to a nearby wall if i ever get the urge to use a live instrument. singing as to not disturb the people around me was even hairier — mr. weeks used to work nights at his old spot, then switched to an early morning schedule at his new old job. after getting over the weirdness of singing my self-penned stuff in his presence, i agreed to no weird vocal shit so he can get his beauty sleep. so that means i should be able to perform in the presence of my in-laws, right?

yeah, no. my in-laws are usually in bed by 8pm and in general, are incredibly soft-spoken folks who value their peace and quiet. i toyed with the idea of moving my music equipment to mr. weeks’ warehouse office and just doing my tunes from there, but after seeing him use all of his inhuman upper-body strength to push open the compound gate, i knew that my wimpy ass wouldn’t have been able to wheel it open at 10:30 pm every thursday night.

i’ve been struggling to strategize how to best do music while staying at my in-laws, but i’ve got something in the works:

• force myself to work on literally anything else other than live vocal performance for compos. this is the one that i’m personally struggling with. the past year and some change, i’ve had a pretty set formula for much of my compo work: lay down some chords, then sing as many puns as i can about the theme. i think i’ve relied so much on my voice for the stuff i’ve made, and i’ve never quite had enough time to explore more instrumental composition, sound design, and what it means to actually try and convey a theme without having the words to express it. i won’t lie; i hate the idea that i’m gonna be “bad” at soemthing again after struggling so hard to get somewhat good/known for something. but if i don’t take advantage of this opportunity, i don’t think i’m ever gonna grow as a songwriter.
• record all of my vocal tracks for the rest of the year while i’m still up in jersey. if i’ve gotta sing something afterwards, i’ll just have to set aside time in the early hours of arriving at my new little office area to record them there, or stick around during my lunch break.
• along the lines of the first two points: if i’m really feeling the urge to sing, participate in 90MC. most weeks it’s not feasible because i work around then and everything magically seems to go wrong on tuesday afternoons. but it’d be a nice “treat” once in a while.
• own my jank, and own it proudly. i hate how deep down i’ve still got this fear of judgement from the big people around me, and i have this constant fear of being secretly mocked for being incompetent. this is a terrible way of navigating through life, but it’s especially terrible for anybody who does something remotely artsy. at the end of the day i shouldn’t be living in fear of creating just because i don’t think it’s good enough for the people around me. i’ll never get better that way.

moving is incredibly stressful and emotional enough, so it’s always nice to know i have something comforting and familiar in my routine, and i can find a way to do it. if i’ve got my basics covered and a spot to create, i’ll always feel at home.